Child Loss, Depression, Life, WIP, Writing

March is here

March is here, and so is summer. I keep plugging away at words, hoping that I might actually get somewhere with all this. I haven’t finished Wizard’s Debt yet, but hopefully I’ll get to do it this month.

March 4th was my son’s birthday. He would have turned 18 if he had lived. It is a hard time for me, and I just want this week to be over. It has been interminably long.

Work is going okay, usual stresses and strains, nothing exceptional, but I find myself waiting for the other shoe to drop. This job is like being in an abusive relationship. Everything may look hunky dory right now, but you never know when the abuse is going to start back up; you only know that it will, sooner or later.

Writing is going at a snail’s pace, and even reading has slowed down a bit. This isn’t a week or a month that I want even to be alive. If only it were possible to die for a month, and spring back into life in April!

Some days, I have no hopes for the future, and I get through days by not thinking of it.

All the same, Wizard’s Debt is beginning to get interesting and Jeff has some interesting things in his past. Finishing this book is a future I can look forward to.

Help a friend, Life

Help out a friend

So, this week is a request to everyone. A good friend of mine had her car stolen and needs to replace it quickly. The police are useless and has refused to even investigate despite there being witnesses and even video footage.

 

She has started a Go Fund Me to help her buy a new car. Even if you can’t contribute, please share the link. She’s also a great editor and has slots available for 2021. You can help her by hiring her if you are not into charity.

 

Either way, please help her by sharing this link.

Life, Random, Writing

Some health scares and other things

The week started off with my gut trying to kill me. Spent a whole night, mostly puking mu guts out and unable to sleep. Had to take Monday off and couldn’t even enjoy the break, lol. Slept a bit during the day, though.

I did finish the first draft of the Curse of Souls as I had planned on Sunday before shit went down, so that’s something. Right now, Blue 2 is coming along nicely, and Wizard’s Debt is also looking good.

I have been reading a lot of gay romances, most of them short and enjoying myself thoroughly. I do have one beta read going on and I am enjoying that one immensely too.

I think I may need a developmental editor for Rage of Gods. It is such a mess. I hope once the first round of edits is done, it will at least be palatable to the developmental editor I hope to hire.

My gut still hasn’t returned to normal, and I feel nauseous very often. Hunger too has been remarkably absent, as has appetite. Hopefully, everything will get better in time.

 

Child Loss, Depression, Life, Random, WIP, Writing

Still in February?

Why are we still in February? lol. I feel like time isn’t passing at all. Flame of a Dragon’s Oath and Soul of Magic are with betas and it looks as if Soul of Magic might need a full rewrite. Ah well, time enough for that in the future, I guess.

Memories of Forgotten Waves have also got slowly longer, and now it looks as if it needs a whole new part to be complete. I’m taking it easy for now.

Curse of Souls has got to a point where I’m sure it’s winding to a close, but I can’t be sure. It will need some work, but hopefully I’ll be able to finish the first draft this weekend.

Life hasn’t been too different. The doctor upped the dosage of my meds again, but there still are days when I just want to sit and cry in a corner all day. I feel like I would sell my soul to get my son back even for an hour.

I finished reading Priory of the Orange Tree. Slow start, but once I got into it, I couldn’t put it down. It’s an excellent book, and I absolutely loved it. In the end, 800+ pages seemed too less.

I should write a review, and I will. Right now, I’m just getting through this, one day at a time.

Covers, Depression, Life, WIP, Writing

One week or so later

I am rather glad I started anti depressants, because my state of mind is much better. Not everything is hunky dory, of course, but there is hope now.

I have increased the number of my WIPs to 48, and I think I’ll stop there. It’s a nice even number, just shy of fifty, and I’m not sure when, if ever, I will finish them all. Many may end up discarded, but that’s a problem for future me. Past me and present me are just giggling like mad.

I finished my edits of Memories of Forgotten Waves, and realised I had a bit of rewriting to do if the plot is to make any sense and to have some cohesion. But I’m not touching that immediately. For now, I’m focussing on three of my WIPs, and hoping I can get them done in February.

I have made lists of all my WIPs, finished works, and what not, and have come to the conclusion that I really do not need any new covers till at least 2025. Hmm. Wonder if my addiction will listen to the voice of reason. MY ban is still in effect, though, and I’m staying away from all cover events for now.

Depression, Life, WIP, Writing

Something new?

This week has been different. I started anti depressants, and already I can feel the change. There is a bit of sleepiness, vagueness, inability to focus, and some slight physical issues as well, but for the first time in so long, life doesn’t seem like an endless well of despair.

I posted the final chapter of my fanfic, and it is wrenching my heart. I had written three endings, and in the end went with the one I thought people would enjoy the most. I love the other two, but unless people want it, I wouldn’t be posting them.

I’m focussing on Curse of Souls and Wizard’s Debt this month and both have been going well. I also started editing Rise of the Resistance and at the risk of sounding narcissistic, I absolutely love that book. The characters! Gods, I have missed them so much. Now, I have this idea to write a series of one shots set at various times including after the series is over.

On the whole, I feel vaguely hopeful about life. I needed that feeling.

Covers, Depression, Life, Random, WIP, Writing

Another Random Ramble

2021 doesn’t seem all that different from 2020. In fact it might even be worse, I think. Odd numbered years had never been good for me. I’ve lost most of the people I loved in such years. My dad in 2007, my brother in law in 2009, my son in 2019, so I’m naturally wary of years with odd numbers.

My plan of starting a new WIP a day is going swimmingly so far. I’m pretty sure I’ll have 50 WIPs by the end of this month if this keeps up. I have also been buying a lot of covers.

Work is just as meh as usual, a bit more meh this week to be honest. Sometimes, I think I’ll just lose my mind. Sometimes, I wish I could just die, but yeah, safe to say things aren’t good.

There is no joy any more. Not in work, not in life, not in creation, even. I cant stop writing though, because idea are flowing and words are flowing, and even if there is no joy in it, it keeps despair at bay.

I am almost at the end of an amazing book by an author friend, and I love that I get to read so many great books.

I posted the penultimate chapter of my fanfic in AO3 today, and now feeling a little sad that I won’t have that to look forward to. Fanfics are a good distraction, and I’ve been loving all the love my work has got.

I need validation like I need air on some days, and my fanfic was a great way of getting that. Ah well, I’ll just have to re-read all those lovely comments left by my awesome readers.

I hope you all have a lovely weekend, and I’m leaving a little aesthetic I made for one of my new WIPs

Covers, Life, Random, WIP, Writing

Happy New Year

Not yet, I know. I have three more hours to go here, and I can’t wait! Not necessarily because I think 2021 is going to magically turn things around, but hopefully it will be better than 2020. With a vaccine already out, there is reason for hope at least.

I have started two new WIPs and my WIP list is back to 20. I’m enjoying most of them, and have plans in 2021!

Bleeding Gold already got back the first beta feedback, and they loved it. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that whatever work it needs can be finished before the scheduled publication dates.

2021 is the year where I’m taking a step back from just churning out books, and taking time to make my already finished books ready for publication. That means covers, editing, formatting, and whatnot.

I have bought so many covers last month that I’m so broke right now. However, I feel like it has been totally worth it. Think of all the beautiful books!

I also dusted up and sent out my newsletter. Yay for doing something productive other than just writing.

Wish you all a Happy New Year, and hoping 2021 will be kinder than 2020 at least.

 

Life, Random, WIP, Writing

Happy Holidays

Merry Christmas to everyone who celebrates it, and happy holidays to everyone who doesn’t. The pandemic has fucked up our whole year, but hopefully next year will be better. The vaccine is here and perhaps we will all be able to gain some semblance of normalcy in our lives.

My week has been work and meetings and most days when I reach home, I amĀ  a zombie with no energy or motivation to write or edit. I still managed words every day and I am so proud of myself.

I am still adding scenes to Soul of Magic. I do love the premise of the book and I want to do justice to it. Will and Duncan will never forgive me otherwise.

I spent the whole of yesterday evening translating songs in my playlist. I suppose that counts towards writing?

I started a new WIP today which yes. I am thinking of starting another, so I suppose my tendency to torture myself is reaching new levels.

On the plus side, I filed my income tax returns, so that’s something.

Once again I wish you happy holidays.

Cover competition, Covers, Life, Random, WIP, Writing

A Hectic Week

This week had been unlike any other. I had a breakdown at work yesterday and had to leave early. Mental health issues are no fun, and everything is making me more and more convinced that my decision to quit my job next year is the right one. Whether I will be able to generate enough income from my writing or editing is doubtful at the moment, but that is future me’s problem. Present me just wants to get through today.

Highlight of the week was definitely finishing nano with more than a 100k words written. When I started the month, I wasn’t even sure I’d get to that 50k. There was zero motivation to write and none of the projects were doing anything. Instead, I ended up finishing Bleeding Gold, started and finished Colliding Forces and Spell of Gods, started Magic and Mayhem and Memories of Forgotten Dreams, wrote a few Destiel Coda fics, and got Fiery Magic and Death of Summer to really interesting places. If Memories of Forgotten Waves wasn’t consuming me the way it is, I would have explored those further this month.

I got a cover for Bleeding Gold despite swearing up and down I am not going to buy any more covers till January. Everything was on sale and now I have pretty covers for Colliding forces, Spell of Gods, Journey of Ages and Bleeding Gold and one more cover for which I don’t yet have anything, lol.

Getting a cover for Bleeding Gold is making me rethink my publishing plans for next year. Should I just postpone Stolen from a Dream another year and publish Bleeding Gold next year so it will be all vampires next year? I never knew I was going to love writing vampires so much I would end up writing four vampire books. Vampires have never been my favourite thing to read. They still aren’t, but I so enjoy writing them.

Life Remains is still my favourite of all the vampire books I’ve written, though I have no idea why. I want to think it’s because Frederick turned out so different from how I thought he would turn out. I love how each of my vampires are so different and their stories pan out so differently too. Bleeding Gold ended up so fluffy and that was a surprise too. I honestly didn’t think Alvin was going to get a happy ending, though he did deserve one.

Memories of Forgotten Waves took a twist late last night, and now I’m pantsing like mad, trying to figure out where it is going. Despite my love of happy endings, and how I end my books on a positive note, even if there isn’t always an HEA, I really want to end one book with some heartbreak, just to prove to myself I can do it. Is Memories going to be the one? Not with how Aderin is behaving lately, that’s for sure. Ellwood turned out such a sweetie too. Sighs in writer. I love it when my characters turn out different from what I thought they were like, and how they change during the course of the story, but there are times when I wish they wouldn’t surprise me so much.

But that’s what makes this whole thing fun, and them so relatable and worth investing time on.

Deathless Ones made it to the Cover Competition on Allauthor.com. So, if you can all pop over here and vote for it, it’d mean a lot. It is a cover that makes me swoon every time I see it.