Child Loss, Depression, Life, Random, WIP, Writing

Still in February?

Why are we still in February? lol. I feel like time isn’t passing at all. Flame of a Dragon’s Oath and Soul of Magic are with betas and it looks as if Soul of Magic might need a full rewrite. Ah well, time enough for that in the future, I guess.

Memories of Forgotten Waves have also got slowly longer, and now it looks as if it needs a whole new part to be complete. I’m taking it easy for now.

Curse of Souls has got to a point where I’m sure it’s winding to a close, but I can’t be sure. It will need some work, but hopefully I’ll be able to finish the first draft this weekend.

Life hasn’t been too different. The doctor upped the dosage of my meds again, but there still are days when I just want to sit and cry in a corner all day. I feel like I would sell my soul to get my son back even for an hour.

I finished reading Priory of the Orange Tree. Slow start, but once I got into it, I couldn’t put it down. It’s an excellent book, and I absolutely loved it. In the end, 800+ pages seemed too less.

I should write a review, and I will. Right now, I’m just getting through this, one day at a time.

Covers, Depression, Life, WIP, Writing

One week or so later

I am rather glad I started anti depressants, because my state of mind is much better. Not everything is hunky dory, of course, but there is hope now.

I have increased the number of my WIPs to 48, and I think I’ll stop there. It’s a nice even number, just shy of fifty, and I’m not sure when, if ever, I will finish them all. Many may end up discarded, but that’s a problem for future me. Past me and present me are just giggling like mad.

I finished my edits of Memories of Forgotten Waves, and realised I had a bit of rewriting to do if the plot is to make any sense and to have some cohesion. But I’m not touching that immediately. For now, I’m focussing on three of my WIPs, and hoping I can get them done in February.

I have made lists of all my WIPs, finished works, and what not, and have come to the conclusion that I really do not need any new covers till at least 2025. Hmm. Wonder if my addiction will listen to the voice of reason. MY ban is still in effect, though, and I’m staying away from all cover events for now.

Depression, Life, WIP, Writing

Something new?

This week has been different. I started anti depressants, and already I can feel the change. There is a bit of sleepiness, vagueness, inability to focus, and some slight physical issues as well, but for the first time in so long, life doesn’t seem like an endless well of despair.

I posted the final chapter of my fanfic, and it is wrenching my heart. I had written three endings, and in the end went with the one I thought people would enjoy the most. I love the other two, but unless people want it, I wouldn’t be posting them.

I’m focussing on Curse of Souls and Wizard’s Debt this month and both have been going well. I also started editing Rise of the Resistance and at the risk of sounding narcissistic, I absolutely love that book. The characters! Gods, I have missed them so much. Now, I have this idea to write a series of one shots set at various times including after the series is over.

On the whole, I feel vaguely hopeful about life. I needed that feeling.

Covers, Depression, Life, Random, WIP, Writing

Another Random Ramble

2021 doesn’t seem all that different from 2020. In fact it might even be worse, I think. Odd numbered years had never been good for me. I’ve lost most of the people I loved in such years. My dad in 2007, my brother in law in 2009, my son in 2019, so I’m naturally wary of years with odd numbers.

My plan of starting a new WIP a day is going swimmingly so far. I’m pretty sure I’ll have 50 WIPs by the end of this month if this keeps up. I have also been buying a lot of covers.

Work is just as meh as usual, a bit more meh this week to be honest. Sometimes, I think I’ll just lose my mind. Sometimes, I wish I could just die, but yeah, safe to say things aren’t good.

There is no joy any more. Not in work, not in life, not in creation, even. I cant stop writing though, because idea are flowing and words are flowing, and even if there is no joy in it, it keeps despair at bay.

I am almost at the end of an amazing book by an author friend, and I love that I get to read so many great books.

I posted the penultimate chapter of my fanfic in AO3 today, and now feeling a little sad that I won’t have that to look forward to. Fanfics are a good distraction, and I’ve been loving all the love my work has got.

I need validation like I need air on some days, and my fanfic was a great way of getting that. Ah well, I’ll just have to re-read all those lovely comments left by my awesome readers.

I hope you all have a lovely weekend, and I’m leaving a little aesthetic I made for one of my new WIPs

Cover competition, Covers, Life, Random, WIP, Writing

A Hectic Week

This week had been unlike any other. I had a breakdown at work yesterday and had to leave early. Mental health issues are no fun, and everything is making me more and more convinced that my decision to quit my job next year is the right one. Whether I will be able to generate enough income from my writing or editing is doubtful at the moment, but that is future me’s problem. Present me just wants to get through today.

Highlight of the week was definitely finishing nano with more than a 100k words written. When I started the month, I wasn’t even sure I’d get to that 50k. There was zero motivation to write and none of the projects were doing anything. Instead, I ended up finishing Bleeding Gold, started and finished Colliding Forces and Spell of Gods, started Magic and Mayhem and Memories of Forgotten Dreams, wrote a few Destiel Coda fics, and got Fiery Magic and Death of Summer to really interesting places. If Memories of Forgotten Waves wasn’t consuming me the way it is, I would have explored those further this month.

I got a cover for Bleeding Gold despite swearing up and down I am not going to buy any more covers till January. Everything was on sale and now I have pretty covers for Colliding forces, Spell of Gods, Journey of Ages and Bleeding Gold and one more cover for which I don’t yet have anything, lol.

Getting a cover for Bleeding Gold is making me rethink my publishing plans for next year. Should I just postpone Stolen from a Dream another year and publish Bleeding Gold next year so it will be all vampires next year? I never knew I was going to love writing vampires so much I would end up writing four vampire books. Vampires have never been my favourite thing to read. They still aren’t, but I so enjoy writing them.

Life Remains is still my favourite of all the vampire books I’ve written, though I have no idea why. I want to think it’s because Frederick turned out so different from how I thought he would turn out. I love how each of my vampires are so different and their stories pan out so differently too. Bleeding Gold ended up so fluffy and that was a surprise too. I honestly didn’t think Alvin was going to get a happy ending, though he did deserve one.

Memories of Forgotten Waves took a twist late last night, and now I’m pantsing like mad, trying to figure out where it is going. Despite my love of happy endings, and how I end my books on a positive note, even if there isn’t always an HEA, I really want to end one book with some heartbreak, just to prove to myself I can do it. Is Memories going to be the one? Not with how Aderin is behaving lately, that’s for sure. Ellwood turned out such a sweetie too. Sighs in writer. I love it when my characters turn out different from what I thought they were like, and how they change during the course of the story, but there are times when I wish they wouldn’t surprise me so much.

But that’s what makes this whole thing fun, and them so relatable and worth investing time on.

Deathless Ones made it to the Cover Competition on Allauthor.com. So, if you can all pop over here and vote for it, it’d mean a lot. It is a cover that makes me swoon every time I see it.

Child Loss, Depression, Life, Writing

Depressed pile of goo

It is one year today since I lost my son, and I’ve been in a funk all week, crying at work, snapping at people, moping around and writing till my hands hurt. Nothing really helps. Nothing can fill the emptiness left behind by him. I took his name as my pen name, and seeing his name on my books hurt too. I don’t know if anything will ever make this better.

I have also been splurging on covers for the Black Friday. Pretty sure my finances are in the red right now.

I think I will finish Colliding Forces today. On to Fiery Magic and Magic and Mayhem. The Spell of Gods will need a lot of work, and so will everything else I finished in October and November.

Right now, I’m going to stay inside my depression cave and not emerge.

Cover competition, WIP, Writing

Ramblings

I know I said I was planning to take things easy, but when have I ever done that? Lol. Now, I’ve finished Banished Secret as well, and I think it has turned out better than I thought.

Spaces of Silence is with my editor, and she is loving it so far. She said it has been a breeze so far, so I’m keeping my fingers crossed that my readers would feel the same. It is due to release on November 27th, but pre-order is already open.  Paperback is also available for pre-order.

Blue somehow made it to the third round of the cover competition. Goodness, I never thought Cover of the Month meant it was going to take the entire month!! Still, I’m happy it made it this far. The competition is getting tougher with only the top 24 covers making it through to the next round. Blue is at No.21 now, so every vote counts.

My depression has been pretty bad this week, and work has been more hectic than usual. I’ve even been avoiding my writing group for the last two days because I feel like I’m just depressing them all the time, and leaning on them all a bit too much.

Anyway, please vote for Blue.  The link is here

I’ve started a new WIP in the meantime because obviously I can’t be content with 18! So, now I’ve 19 again.

Shades of Spring is again taking interesting turns that I never expected, and I just want to finish the goddamn thing so I can find out how it will end. Joys of a pantser life!!

Random

Random Rants

I’ve been attempting to keep myself busy with writing mostly, but also been setting up books due to release in 2021 for pre-order.

Good news for those who loved The Elitist Supremacy. The second book of the series is due to come out in less than a year!!

If you love vampires, There’s Always a Morning is due to release in March 2021. I have two more vampire books I will be releasing next year, not to speak of one more fantasy novella.

Work has been really wearing me down, and I’m amazed at how insensitive people can be at times. Writing provides an escape, thankfully, and I don’t think I would have survived if not for that and the people who have stood by me, and refused to give up even when I was ready to.

Staying safe and busy for now.