Child Loss, Depression, Life, WIP, Writing

March is here

March is here, and so is summer. I keep plugging away at words, hoping that I might actually get somewhere with all this. I haven’t finished Wizard’s Debt yet, but hopefully I’ll get to do it this month.

March 4th was my son’s birthday. He would have turned 18 if he had lived. It is a hard time for me, and I just want this week to be over. It has been interminably long.

Work is going okay, usual stresses and strains, nothing exceptional, but I find myself waiting for the other shoe to drop. This job is like being in an abusive relationship. Everything may look hunky dory right now, but you never know when the abuse is going to start back up; you only know that it will, sooner or later.

Writing is going at a snail’s pace, and even reading has slowed down a bit. This isn’t a week or a month that I want even to be alive. If only it were possible to die for a month, and spring back into life in April!

Some days, I have no hopes for the future, and I get through days by not thinking of it.

All the same, Wizard’s Debt is beginning to get interesting and Jeff has some interesting things in his past. Finishing this book is a future I can look forward to.

Life, Random, Writing

Some health scares and other things

The week started off with my gut trying to kill me. Spent a whole night, mostly puking mu guts out and unable to sleep. Had to take Monday off and couldn’t even enjoy the break, lol. Slept a bit during the day, though.

I did finish the first draft of the Curse of Souls as I had planned on Sunday before shit went down, so that’s something. Right now, Blue 2 is coming along nicely, and Wizard’s Debt is also looking good.

I have been reading a lot of gay romances, most of them short and enjoying myself thoroughly. I do have one beta read going on and I am enjoying that one immensely too.

I think I may need a developmental editor for Rage of Gods. It is such a mess. I hope once the first round of edits is done, it will at least be palatable to the developmental editor I hope to hire.

My gut still hasn’t returned to normal, and I feel nauseous very often. Hunger too has been remarkably absent, as has appetite. Hopefully, everything will get better in time.

 

Child Loss, Depression, Life, Random, WIP, Writing

Still in February?

Why are we still in February? lol. I feel like time isn’t passing at all. Flame of a Dragon’s Oath and Soul of Magic are with betas and it looks as if Soul of Magic might need a full rewrite. Ah well, time enough for that in the future, I guess.

Memories of Forgotten Waves have also got slowly longer, and now it looks as if it needs a whole new part to be complete. I’m taking it easy for now.

Curse of Souls has got to a point where I’m sure it’s winding to a close, but I can’t be sure. It will need some work, but hopefully I’ll be able to finish the first draft this weekend.

Life hasn’t been too different. The doctor upped the dosage of my meds again, but there still are days when I just want to sit and cry in a corner all day. I feel like I would sell my soul to get my son back even for an hour.

I finished reading Priory of the Orange Tree. Slow start, but once I got into it, I couldn’t put it down. It’s an excellent book, and I absolutely loved it. In the end, 800+ pages seemed too less.

I should write a review, and I will. Right now, I’m just getting through this, one day at a time.

Covers, Depression, Life, WIP, Writing

One week or so later

I am rather glad I started anti depressants, because my state of mind is much better. Not everything is hunky dory, of course, but there is hope now.

I have increased the number of my WIPs to 48, and I think I’ll stop there. It’s a nice even number, just shy of fifty, and I’m not sure when, if ever, I will finish them all. Many may end up discarded, but that’s a problem for future me. Past me and present me are just giggling like mad.

I finished my edits of Memories of Forgotten Waves, and realised I had a bit of rewriting to do if the plot is to make any sense and to have some cohesion. But I’m not touching that immediately. For now, I’m focussing on three of my WIPs, and hoping I can get them done in February.

I have made lists of all my WIPs, finished works, and what not, and have come to the conclusion that I really do not need any new covers till at least 2025. Hmm. Wonder if my addiction will listen to the voice of reason. MY ban is still in effect, though, and I’m staying away from all cover events for now.

Depression, Life, WIP, Writing

Something new?

This week has been different. I started anti depressants, and already I can feel the change. There is a bit of sleepiness, vagueness, inability to focus, and some slight physical issues as well, but for the first time in so long, life doesn’t seem like an endless well of despair.

I posted the final chapter of my fanfic, and it is wrenching my heart. I had written three endings, and in the end went with the one I thought people would enjoy the most. I love the other two, but unless people want it, I wouldn’t be posting them.

I’m focussing on Curse of Souls and Wizard’s Debt this month and both have been going well. I also started editing Rise of the Resistance and at the risk of sounding narcissistic, I absolutely love that book. The characters! Gods, I have missed them so much. Now, I have this idea to write a series of one shots set at various times including after the series is over.

On the whole, I feel vaguely hopeful about life. I needed that feeling.

Covers, Depression, Life, Random, WIP, Writing

Another Random Ramble

2021 doesn’t seem all that different from 2020. In fact it might even be worse, I think. Odd numbered years had never been good for me. I’ve lost most of the people I loved in such years. My dad in 2007, my brother in law in 2009, my son in 2019, so I’m naturally wary of years with odd numbers.

My plan of starting a new WIP a day is going swimmingly so far. I’m pretty sure I’ll have 50 WIPs by the end of this month if this keeps up. I have also been buying a lot of covers.

Work is just as meh as usual, a bit more meh this week to be honest. Sometimes, I think I’ll just lose my mind. Sometimes, I wish I could just die, but yeah, safe to say things aren’t good.

There is no joy any more. Not in work, not in life, not in creation, even. I cant stop writing though, because idea are flowing and words are flowing, and even if there is no joy in it, it keeps despair at bay.

I am almost at the end of an amazing book by an author friend, and I love that I get to read so many great books.

I posted the penultimate chapter of my fanfic in AO3 today, and now feeling a little sad that I won’t have that to look forward to. Fanfics are a good distraction, and I’ve been loving all the love my work has got.

I need validation like I need air on some days, and my fanfic was a great way of getting that. Ah well, I’ll just have to re-read all those lovely comments left by my awesome readers.

I hope you all have a lovely weekend, and I’m leaving a little aesthetic I made for one of my new WIPs

Covers, ISFAB, Random, WIP, Writing

New books and some thoughts

I have submitted Elitist Supremacy to this competition called ISFAB a few days ago, and my book has already been read by the judge it was allotted to, and now I’m in tenterhooks wondering if they liked it or not. I have been setting very moderate goals for each day on working days, so there’s not much pressure on me if I miss my target on a day.

I have finished editing and got formatted There’s Always a Morning, but it seems D2D is being an ass and not accepting my beautiful PDF. I’ve sent an email to their customercare and hope it gets resolved soon.

I got covers commissioned for Soul of Magic and Memories of Forgotten Waves. I also got a cover for Curse of Souls. I feel the books are going to be epic.

Set in Stone has also found a beta reader, and I’m so nervous about feedback. Hopefully, it won’t be anything impossible to repair.

I have started working on the long list of my unwritten ideas, because we all need more WIPs in our lives, right? Anyway, the reasoning was, if any of them seem like too much to handle while starting, perhaps it’s not worth pursuing. That seems to be backfiring since words have been flowing so easily!!

I have decided not to let my old blog die, so I will be posting snippets over there. Pop in and have a look!!

Covers, Life, Random, WIP, Writing

Happy New Year

Not yet, I know. I have three more hours to go here, and I can’t wait! Not necessarily because I think 2021 is going to magically turn things around, but hopefully it will be better than 2020. With a vaccine already out, there is reason for hope at least.

I have started two new WIPs and my WIP list is back to 20. I’m enjoying most of them, and have plans in 2021!

Bleeding Gold already got back the first beta feedback, and they loved it. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that whatever work it needs can be finished before the scheduled publication dates.

2021 is the year where I’m taking a step back from just churning out books, and taking time to make my already finished books ready for publication. That means covers, editing, formatting, and whatnot.

I have bought so many covers last month that I’m so broke right now. However, I feel like it has been totally worth it. Think of all the beautiful books!

I also dusted up and sent out my newsletter. Yay for doing something productive other than just writing.

Wish you all a Happy New Year, and hoping 2021 will be kinder than 2020 at least.

 

Life, Random, WIP, Writing

Happy Holidays

Merry Christmas to everyone who celebrates it, and happy holidays to everyone who doesn’t. The pandemic has fucked up our whole year, but hopefully next year will be better. The vaccine is here and perhaps we will all be able to gain some semblance of normalcy in our lives.

My week has been work and meetings and most days when I reach home, I amĀ  a zombie with no energy or motivation to write or edit. I still managed words every day and I am so proud of myself.

I am still adding scenes to Soul of Magic. I do love the premise of the book and I want to do justice to it. Will and Duncan will never forgive me otherwise.

I spent the whole of yesterday evening translating songs in my playlist. I suppose that counts towards writing?

I started a new WIP today which yes. I am thinking of starting another, so I suppose my tendency to torture myself is reaching new levels.

On the plus side, I filed my income tax returns, so that’s something.

Once again I wish you happy holidays.

Video Trailer, WIP, Writing

More Editing and a Video Trailer

I finished editing Bleeding Gold and also the first draft of Memories of Forgotten Waves. I know it needs a lot of work, but at least the first draft is done now. I also started the first round of edits on Colliding Forces and The Soul of Magic. Colliding Forces don’t need as much work, but Soul of Magic needs a lot of rewrites.

I am also writing Magical Mayhem in the meantime, and also started on a new WIP. I’m not sure just how much I’ll get done this month, but as on last reckoning, I still need to write almost 35k words this month.

I was not able to sleep one of these nights and so I made a Video Trailer for There’s Always a Morning.

Enjoy!!

Video Trailer